Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
