Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
