Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
