just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
