we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
