my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
