I showed him my bush... on skype.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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