My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
