Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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