proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
