he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
