He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize