I cockslap morals
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Randomize
