your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
