totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
