do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
