i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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