you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
