9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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