I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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