i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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