If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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