Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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