a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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