good thing vaginas are great cup holders
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
