we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
