I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
