You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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