who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
