Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
