you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
