haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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