i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
