My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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