just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
