I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Dicks are not precious.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
