I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
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