i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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