just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I need to sanitize my soul.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
