im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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