Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
