Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
