I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
