I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
