i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
