Will you blow on my dice?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I can text with my tongue
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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