yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
