Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
