i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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