if i can run in heels then i can drive
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
