You were right. It hurts to walk today.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
His hands were made for my vagina.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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