For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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