Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
