My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
