I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
