thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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